Friday, March 4, 2011

I. Am. Struggling.

Ugh.  I am hoping writing about this will help me process it.

The past month or so has been a real battle for me.  I keep gaining and losing the same 1-2 pounds.


And as I write this, I am looking at the words and thinking, "Big deal.  1 or 2 pounds?  Less than a year ago I was weighed down by 110 extra pounds!" And I know that's true.  And I know I should remember that and believe it and use that knowledge as the boost I need to push through these final 30 pounds. But I can't seem to get back in the game.

The good news is, I didn't go to Taco Bell this week even though I wanted to TERRIBLY.  Like, I obsessed about it for at least three days and even calculated the points and -- when I'd burned through my weekly extras -- even calculated how much I would have to run to account for the binge.  I seriously wanted to BINGE and not the silly little hummus binge I had a couple of months ago.  I wanted the old eat-a-whole-pizza or dive-into-an-Extra-Value-Meal-with-a-hot-fudge-sundae binge.

I guess it doesn't hurt to admit that this was a really stressful week at work and I am also planning for a vacation next week, which, again, is great... but I stress myself out so much!  I feel like I have to plan every second of the vacation so I am not stuck with a bunch of downtime and a 6-pack and Lifetime movie for women.  So, all that genuine stress mixed with my self-imposed anxiety has done a number on me.

I always thought a plateau was when your weight loss slowed or leveled even though you were still doing all the exercising and healthy eating you'd always done.  Still, I would say I am at a plateau now even though I am definitely nowhere near as disciplined as I was a couple of months ago.  I am cheating A LOT.  No, not at Taco Bell, but I have gone through lots of granola bars and peanut butter and laughing cow cheeses this week.


I can honestly tell you I am dreading the scale this week.  And to make things worse I am weighing-in a day earlier than usual because I will be in New York City (yay!) on Saturday, which is my regular meeting day.

Here's hoping the weight loss gods acknowledge my resistance to the Bell and allow me a meager .5 weight loss or something.  I am thinking it will probably be a 2 or 3 pound gain.



  1. I feel your pain... seriously. The plateau thing SUCKS.:P They are difficult to push through, but not impossible. I think Jillian Michaels offers some pretty good tips here:

    Also... IMO, the important thing to remember when you are tempted to cheat (or do cheat) is not to beat yourself up. I can't tell you how many times I've been in the middle of a weight loss journey--- stuck with it for a while--- found myself cheating a few times here and there--- and then completely gone "off the wagon" because of one (or two... or three... etc) setbacks. Tomorrow is always a new day.

    Hang in there, woman..! You look fantastic, and I'm betting you feel a lot better too. :)

  2. I am in the boat with you! Keep your head up... remember are you doing this to lose weight or live a healthier life?

  3. Thanks so much for the comments!

    Carmen: I am in a much better place now... which I will blog about soon. I think I am realizing that "cheating" is just "living" and the point is to learn a lesson about how to deal with life and move on!

    Kari Ann: Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. You're so right... This is about being healthy and happy, not losing an extra ounce or two. So what if it takes me another year or two to lose the final 25 pounds? It will be worth it no matter when it happens.