Ugh. I am hoping writing about this will help me process it.
The past month or so has been a real battle for me. I keep gaining and losing the same 1-2 pounds.
And as I write this, I am looking at the words and thinking, "Big deal. 1 or 2 pounds? Less than a year ago I was weighed down by 110 extra pounds!" And I know that's true. And I know I should remember that and believe it and use that knowledge as the boost I need to push through these final 30 pounds. But I can't seem to get back in the game.
The good news is, I didn't go to Taco Bell this week even though I wanted to TERRIBLY. Like, I obsessed about it for at least three days and even calculated the points and -- when I'd burned through my weekly extras -- even calculated how much I would have to run to account for the binge. I seriously wanted to BINGE and not the silly little hummus binge I had a couple of months ago. I wanted the old eat-a-whole-pizza or dive-into-an-Extra-Value-Meal-with-a-hot-fudge-sundae binge.
I guess it doesn't hurt to admit that this was a really stressful week at work and I am also planning for a vacation next week, which, again, is great... but I stress myself out so much! I feel like I have to plan every second of the vacation so I am not stuck with a bunch of downtime and a 6-pack and Lifetime movie for women. So, all that genuine stress mixed with my self-imposed anxiety has done a number on me.
I always thought a plateau was when your weight loss slowed or leveled even though you were still doing all the exercising and healthy eating you'd always done. Still, I would say I am at a plateau now even though I am definitely nowhere near as disciplined as I was a couple of months ago. I am cheating A LOT. No, not at Taco Bell, but I have gone through lots of granola bars and peanut butter and laughing cow cheeses this week.
I can honestly tell you I am dreading the scale this week. And to make things worse I am weighing-in a day earlier than usual because I will be in New York City (yay!) on Saturday, which is my regular meeting day.
Here's hoping the weight loss gods acknowledge my resistance to the Bell and allow me a meager .5 weight loss or something. I am thinking it will probably be a 2 or 3 pound gain.