Confessional

I started Weight Watchers on May 1, 2010 and I weighed 256.4 pounds.

During my last weigh-in on October 30, 2010 I weighed 198.6.

I have lost 57.8 pounds since May 1, an average of 2.2 pounds a week.

I am 5'8" and Weight Watchers puts my healthy range at 132-164.  I think I may aim for 140 as my ultimate goal, but who knows.  As I get closer to 164 I may feel that the 160's are better for me.  I intend to post some photos of me then/now ASAP but -- like so many who are uncomfortable in their own skin -- I am not sure I have any of me at my heaviest.

More Stuff

It took me until I was 35 years old and more than 100 pounds over my ideal weight to realize I needed to make a change and stick with it.  I have been fat for a long, long time and before I was fat I thought I was fat and called myself fat (not the way I am calling myself fat now but in the disgusted way teenagers call themselves fat while zipping up size 6 jeans).

So, for me, becoming 100+ pounds overweight is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, growing from all that crazy-talk I subjected myself to beginning at puberty.

I really started to balloon about 4 years ago, when I began graduate school.  Stressed out over a master's thesis?  Have a Slim Jim and an It's It!  I was about 30 pounds overweight when I began graduate school.  I think I probably gained about 50 pounds during the course of my 2-year program and maybe another 20 or 25 in the 2 years since then.  I got so big, people no longer recognized me.  It's totally understandable because I didn't recognize myself, either.

Making Room For Others

I am no yoga guru, but there is one teacher in San Francisco whom I love.  When we're trying to get twistier or bendier, she often tells us to inhale and see if we can make room to go deeper.  So, I kind of feel like that's what I am doing by losing weight: I am inhaling some self-confidence and creating space in my life.  I actually have thoughts other than "Am I the fattest person at this bar?"  I now have more room in my head to think things like, "That woman with an armful of grocery bags, pushing her twins in a stroller, might appreciate it if I held the door for her."

So, I am committing to blogging twice a week.  On Sundays I will share information about my weekly weigh-in and about the choices I made during the week.  Wednesdays will be sort of a mid-week accountability project/weight loss hodgepodge.

Guess that's all for now.  More Wednesday!