Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Incident With The Hummus & The Sofa

In spite of everything I know to be true, it's sometimes tough to tell if I've made real changes over the past several months.  For example: when I sit on my sofa at the end of a particularly stressful day and eat an entire tub of hummus with an entire bag of baby carrots, it doesn't feel that different from the days when I sat on my sofa and ate an entire Big Mac Extra Value Meal followed by a 6-piece order of Chicken McNuggets (for variety).  I am a bit ashamed to admit I had a hummus binge last week that wrecked me for a day or so and left me doubting my ability to make real changes.

So, the binge and the self-loathing it allowed felt very familiar to me.  What was different was what happened about 36 hours after the binge.  I forgave myself.  I realized that people slip.  I admitted that, while a binge is definitely cause for concern for people like me, a binge on hummus and carrots is so much better than a binge on pizza and milkshakes.

Further proof that something, indeed, is different: 2 days after the incident with the hummus and the sofa, I ran 2 laps around Lake Merritt (6.2 miles).  And 3 days after that run, I did a 10k (also 6.2 miles) in Golden Gate Park.  w00t!  My time wasn't amazing: I finished in 1:13:57, which works out to about 12 minutes per mile.  The great thing is that I finished, I didn't stop running the entire time and I felt pretty great afterward.  See?  I almost look stoned in this photo. (I assure you, I am not.)

The most amazing thing about becoming more fit isn't watching the number on the scale drop or buying a new wardrobe, but moving through the world more effortlessly.  My burden is lighter, in spirit, body and mind.  I find that I am a more attentive friend, a more caring daughter and a more focused & dedicated employee when my thoughts aren't dominated by the heft of what I am carrying.

And best of all, despite that late-night encounter with garbanzo beans, I lost 3.4 pounds last week. Phew!

1 comment:

  1. YAY! A 10k in 1:13 is *amazing*... I am a snail when it comes to running - I do a 5k in about 40 minutes (I justify it by saying that since I'm running for a longer amount of time, it's just adding to my cardio health, right?). I haven't even had the guts to try a 10k yet. But I figure as long as I'm out there doing *something* instead of sitting on the sofa, that's a win. ;)

    And forgiveness is key, I agree. It took me a long time to figure that out. I would just give up after a one-time slip--- thinking, 'I'll never be able to do this.' Not true! I had to get to a point where I really started liking myself and realizing that I *deserved* to feel better and be healthier--- but if I slipped, that was okay. Have I told you that I'm bordering on being vegan now? Weirdly enough, it just kind of crept up on me--- as I started paying attention to how certain foods made me feel. Trust me, no one is more surprised than I am. ;)